Positive Discipline for Today’s Busy (and Overwhelmed) Modern Parent by Jane Nelson, EDD, Kristina Bill, and Joy Marchese, MA, CPDT
Interview Q&A with Book Room Reviews
Raising and parenting children, while one of life’s most rewarding experiences, is also one of the most complicated. Regardless of whether you are a full-time parent or working in or out of your home, balancing your job, parenting, and self-care is one of the biggest challenges you face. How do parents manage it all and know what tools to apply in their homes and at work to give both themselves and their children the best chance for success and well-being?
- Jane Nelsen, EDD, founder of Positive Discipline and coauthor of the bestselling Positive Discipline series, is a licensed marriage, family, and child therapist and an internationally known speaker. Her books have sold more than two million copies worldwide. Jane’s Website
- Kristina Bill is active across the fields of business, arts, and personal development. She holds a business degree and is a certified Life Coach and Positive Discipline Parent Educator. She is a highly sought-after corporate coach specializing in leadership and personal impact.Kristina’s Website
- Joy Marchese, MA, CPDT, has worked as a trainer, teacher, and parent educator in various schools and corporate settings for over twenty years. In 2015, she launched Positive Discipline UK, spreading Positive Discipline across Europe and the Middle East.Joy’s Website
Why do we need this book?
- If you are a “busy professional parent” trying to balance your home life and professional life I guarantee this book will help you. I am currently living it every day as a new parent, running a business, and launching a book and it works! As a mother of a one year old that travels for work I am constantly going back to the chapters on guilt, self-care, and couples most days. It’s not easy and it takes conscious awareness and effort, it’s certainly NOT a quick fix. However, it’s like exercising a muscle and with time it does get easier. If you want to overcome the guilt that comes along with being a working parent and see the benefits to you and your children when they feel “needed” this book is for you. By applying this book children will learn the skills to become capable and contributing members of the family and this will in turn take some pressure off the working parent. One thing I am always telling parents is that you CAN have it all just NOT at the same time.
How has Positive Discipline changed your relationships?
- Positive Discipline is an encouragement model. Everyone feels better when they give and receive encouragement. PD gives you a deeper understanding of everyone’s belief systems and how that affects behavior–and how to accept and appreciate differences…It also provides a lot of self-awareness which makes us better at dealing with our own issues and not taking them out on others.
Can you give an example of how Positive Discipline works at home and in the workplace?
- You will quickly realize that what motivates and encourages children to behave well and do well, will also work for adults-including yourself of course (for ex. Motivational Theory of Dan Pink overlaps with PD). This is much more profound than at first glance. It means treating children like human beings deserving of the same respect and attention as adults. It means seeing mistakes as opportunities to learn–for children as well as adults, and then using family meetings or team meetings to focus on solutions. Everyone can learn the value of “positive time out” for calming down until upsets pass. Encouragement is effective both in the home and workplace, and Positive Discipline tools area bout encouragement.
How is Positive Discipline different from other parenting methodologies?
- There are two kinds of parenting programs: Those that depend on external motivation (punishment and rewards) that seem to work temporarily (will lead to more Discouragement thus more misbehavior); and those (like Positive Discipline) that teach an internal source of motivation (Encouragement)—to do the right thing when no one is looking.
- Positive Discipline focuses on the belief behind the behavior, not just the observable behavior. Think of an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg represents the behavior. The biggest part of the iceberg represents the belief behind the behavior. Just as the tip of the iceberg would not exist with the base, the behavior would not exist without the belief behind the behavior. For example: If a child is whining we do not look at the whining as the problem and try to correct it by comments such as “Why are you whining? Stop it.” Instead we would try to understand the belief behind the whining–which usually has to do with a mistaken belief about how to experience belonging and significance (two basic human needs according to Alfred Adler). A Positive Discipline parent would instead try a number of tools to connect with the child before correcting (for example ask for a hug, validate their feelings, or show empathy). The parent would then get to the underlying cause for the behavior for example by engaging the child in a dialogue to understand why the child is feeling discouraged. As Rudolf Dreikurs said, “A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.”
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